How are you doing it??

I have been getting a lot of questions about how I was able to lose all of the weight I have lost so I figured I would type it all up in a blog!  Mostly because for me, it requires a lot of words. 

The insanely short explanation is...I track my food and I exercise. 

Which is in all honestly the only things I have done but I can not just say that without an explanation because getting to this point has been anything but as easy as that sounds. 

When I was pregnant with Tucker, I wasn't super concerned with what I was eating and due to some random pregnancy symptoms, I was kind of terrified to do any working out.  I gained a lot of weight.  70lbs to be exact.  After I had Tucker I kept on A LOT of that weight.  It was hard for me to motivate to work out because it wasn't a habit when I got pregnant and it's really hard to start a habit when you have a child who doesn't sleep through the night for the first year of their life.  Plus, some people drop weight breastfeeding, I did not.  I lost some but not all of it...because I was hungry ALLLLL the time.  When Tucker started sleeping and I didn't feel like a zombie, I started to incorporate a little more exercise into my life.  Shortly after that my mom went on hospice and I began driving back and forth from my parents pretty much every week and the whole exercise thing got put on the back burner. 

The most important thing about all that is, I gave myself some grace during the first year and a half after Tucker was born.  I was a new mom, I was tired, I started a job two days a week, I was tired, I started losing my mom, I was exhausted.  Life happens and sometimes I honestly believe it's not the right time to start up a new lifestyle so I kind of just didn't.  I didn't gain weight, but I wasn't losing any either.  A few short months after my mom passed away in October of 2015, I found out I was pregnant with Noella.  It was right before Christmas and although I had kind of started to watch what I was eating a little more, that surely halted the whole weight loss idea.  With Noella I wanted to do better. I didn't want to gain as much weight and I wanted to be more active.  I ended up with gestational diabetes (which was HUGELY frustrating and annoying) but I kind of credit that with kick starting my lifestyle change.

 I was forced to start tracking my food and watching what I put into my body.  I have been tracking my food now for over a year and that part is HUGE.  WITHOUT ANY EXERCISE I lost almost 30lbs in the 6 months after having Noella.  Tracking food and realizing how much crap you actually eat is kind of an eye opener and naturally makes you change your habits.  Who wants to put in a 400+ calorie starbucks drink in more than once in a while....

In April a friend (thanks Beth) challenged me and a few of her friends to exercise every day for 100 days.  This is when I began to incorporate exercise.  Because I began exercising, I allowed my sister (thanks Jana) to start helping with my nutrition because she was in the process of getting her nutrition certification and I figured I'd let her test out some of her knowledge.  I started out slow.  I would walk/run a mile on the treadmill.  I would go for short walks outside. I would do little 7 min exercises, and I would try to do SOMETHING daily.  The accountability was huge because we would check in via text every day.  It forced me to get off my butt and do something.  I began seeing more progress, began fitting into clothes better, and stopped hating pictures of myself (huge...that was huge).  Once you see progress you become more motivated.  I lengthened my workouts, I subscribed to beachbody on demand to incorporate some weight training and plyometrics.  I wanted to mix things up so I didn't get bored.   I was eating a lot and eating well to fuel my body and keep up with my activity level and I felt pretty great.  Measuring carbs, proteins and fats allow you to have the freedom to eat what you want but inside certain parameters.  Cuts your portion size naturally and fuels your body for your specific activity level and goals. 

Just recently I participated in a 6 week fitness challenge (money was on the line...it wasn't hard to commit to) but I was a little terrified.  It involved challenges that I knew would be difficult but I had already been tracking my food so that huge part of it was easy.  Mostly, I just knew the accountability would be necessary since my previous 100 days of exercise was over.  I received the information about the fitness test I would need to complete and I told my sister it was nice knowing her.  It involved running a mile, air squats, lunges, pushups, situps and burpees.  I do not do burpees. I have since done an INSANE amount of burpees (like 70 in one day...stupid) but it all pushed me in the best way possible and I feel like I am in the best shape of my life.  I FEEL amazing.  A lot of this is about numbers on a scale but I'll tell you, that's definitely not the most important thing.  I can chase after my kids outside and not feel winded, I can look at a picture of myself and not hate it, I can run a mile in less than 9 minutes (that might be slow to some, but that is not slow to me haha), I have done burpees, I have found something inside myself that makes me feel like the athlete I once was and I kind of love it. 

So when people say "you look great, what have you been doing" it's kind of hard for me to answer.  Because there is a short answer and there is my long "why" answer.  This random rambling (probably nonsese) is my why answer.  I found something that worked for me.  It didn't involve supplements, or programs or anything that I tend to not like to by into (if it works for you, awesome!!) I found motivation.  Watching my mom pass away was honestly a huge part of it. If I ever have to battle something, I want my body to be ready.  I want to do everything I can to put up a fight.  I am praying I never have to worry about that, but I want to be ready.  I STARTED!  Just start somewhere.  It takes a lot to get started on anything.  On tracking food because it's annoying, on exercise because it's hard to make time or just effort...but just start somewhere.  Most importantly, find a why.  If you have a reason to get yourself into a healthier lifestyle, it makes it easier.  Remind yourself  why you are doing what you are doing.  Know that it's bigger than the number on a scale.  Overall health can't be measured by just a number. 

So that's the long and short of it.  I figured maybe if I type this out, when I have days where I struggle to stay motivated I can come back and read this and remember what got me here!  I am going to add a before and after picture because honestly, the change is SLOW sometimes and you don't realize how far you've come until you look at where you've come from.  The before is from June 2015 and the after is from today. <3

Guilt you are uninvited

So it's funny because I think I only use this blog thing once a year or so when thoughts just overtake my brain and I don't know what to do with them.

I have been having a lot of days lately that are kind of hard.  For a year and a half I had the same background picture on my phone.  It was one of Tucker snuggling up with his mimi.  I recently reset my phone because phones are dumb and have a lot of issues.  That picture is still accessible but I no longer have it as my background.  For some reason I just struggle with that. 

Although I realize grief is not measured by the pictures I post on facebook, the background on my phone, or how much I talk about my mother, somehow I still have the hardest time with all of that.  I haven't changed my profile picture if it wasn't another picture that included my mom.  I know to a lot of people this probably sounds silly but for me it has honestly been a struggle.  It's like I have this fear that she will some how slip away if she is not readily at my fingertips at all times.  I haven't even been able to delete her number from my phone.  I just can't bring myself to do these things but I'm getting to the point where I feel like I have to.

I sometimes wish social media didn't exist.  I love what it does to connect people who may otherwise not have found each other or stayed in touch.  I love a lot of aspects of it.  I love that I can write this and share it and pray that I am not crazy for having these thoughts, that maybe someone somewhere has had these same struggles.  I do not however love that I have attached my grief to it.  I don't love that because there are so many people that can see what I post I feel like I am opening the door to judgement (trust me I am relatively sure that I grasp that no one cares what my profile picture is...but I just don't like the idea of someone thinking I've forgotten about my mom because she is not in the forefront). 

Some things that have been floating in my head lately:

It's okay if my mom isn't in my profile picture.
It's okay that I don't talk about her all the time.
It's okay that I live my life, because I have to.
It's okay that I still cry.
It's okay that sometimes I go weeks without crying at all.
It's okay if my dad starts to date.
It's okay if we laugh, a lot.
It's okay if I accept life the way it is and not wish for it to be a different way.


I can not live in a place where I am constantly sad, constantly worried about what people think of my grief, constantly wishing that my mom would come back.  The fact is, she isn't going to.  It sure does suck but it's something I have to come to terms with.  Everyone does this in their own time frame but I have realized I am hitting a point lately where I have to let go of some things, like deleting my moms number, to truly start to live my life the way that she would want me to.  I have accidentally called her number a few times and immediately hang up in a panic because I don't want anyone to answer.  The more I think about all of this the more unhealthy it sounds for my healing.

I realize this is kind of just a bunch of rambling but I think I am sharing it for some accountability.  I do wish that life was different.  I wish that I could have her back. I wish that my dad didn't have to date. I wish my parents could have been that yucky in love old couple sitting on a park bench but these were not the cards we were dealt.  I can't stay wishing for that.  Now I pray for my life to be the best it can be, how it is now.  I'm thankful my mom is without pain and partying in Heaven, I can't wish for her back from that.  I hope for my dad to be happy and I love that I've seen him laugh and smile more these days.  I am prayerful that if God allows, he will find someone to be all yucky in love with and that will be okay!!

I mostly want to write this down because I feel like one of the hardest things about dealing with grief is dealing with the guilt you feel when the grief period dies down.  This guilty feeling is completely unnecessary.  All I can think of is how my mom would probably punch us all for feeling any kind of guilt.  She would celebrate the fact that we can begin to live life without constant sadness and she would want that for us.  The memories, the love, the pictures, the feelings, those things will always be there.  The guilt doesn't deserve a spot. 

Why knock the ice bucket challenge?

I needed to get some of these thoughts out of my head so this is what happens.  My thoughts are never very organized so these blogs suffer the same fate. 

ALS is a terrible disease.  I've heard many people say that they don't want to get really old, to the point where they can't take care of themselves, that they'd rather pass away before hitting that point.  Now imagine that happens to you before you turn 30, and at a rapid rate.  Not only can you not take care of yourself, you lose the ability to speak, to move, to do anything that you were just capable of doing a few months before, and currently there is no cure so you know that it will kill you (and typically sooner rather than later) I can't even imagine. 

There are many diseases and causes out there that we are unaware of.  Yes Lou Gehrig put a face and a name to this disease but many people still had no idea what it was...until now.  This ice bucket challenge that was sent into a whirlwind by Pete Frates (http://petefrates.com/ read his story) has brought awareness to a disease that is unknown by many.  It has also raised an unprecedented amount of money for an organization that is in place to help these individuals and their families who are hit with this diagnosis.  Wheelchairs are a necessity. Software to help individuals communicate is a necessity. Insane amount of health care is a necessity.  These things don't come cheap.  So far there has been over 31 million dollars in donations to the ALSA (there are other organizations out there who I am sure can add to that total).  Can you even process what that means to these families?  Have you ever been helped?  Have you ever felt like everyone finally could understand, maybe just a small fraction of what you are going through and was willing to do even one small thing to help?  Now multiply that by 30million... 

To say that the ice bucket challenge is doing nothing but wasting water is just an uninformed statement by someone who is apparently having a bad day.  We waste water EVERY day.  We shower for too long.  We flush every time we use the restroom.  We leave the water running while we brush our teeth.  We leave half empty water bottles unfinished on end tables (or maybe that's just my family). Have you ever taken part in a water balloon fight? Super soaker war? Slide down a slip and slide? Did you feel bad afterwards or tell everyone it was wasteful...yeah I didn't think so.  So what's your real issue here?  Every bucket dumped challenges at least 1 other person.  That is one more person to donate, one more person to learn about a disease, one more person to have a little fun.  Get over yourselves and just let it happen. 

It is a well known fact that Cancer has made it's mark on my family.  It doesn't define us, but it sure likes to hang around a lot.  Everyone knows what cancer is but it's still hard to get people to stay invested in our cause.  Not everyone has the heart and the passion that I do to raise awareness and funds for the American Cancer Society.  It is impossible to assume that the 637,527 NEW donors to the ALS Association are going to continue to do so for the remainder of their lives but does that take away from what they've already done?  Are the 5,10,100, 10,000 dollar donations they've made (thanks Charlie Sheen) somehow less meaningful to those who are receiving the donations?  I highly doubt it. 

So to those of you who are having a huge issue with what is going on, I challenge you to 1. get over yourself, it will fizzle out (sadly) and you'll go back to reading the typical daily facebook drama soon.  2. Find your passion, find your cause and do something about it.  Maybe change up the ice bucket challenge to fit where your heart lies and see if you can get people on board.  3. Quit fighting battles that aren't worth the fight.  Are you really asking people to stop the movement just because videos annoy you?  I question your motives. 

I am hoping to use this challenge myself as motivation to spread the wealth to some other unknown organizations.  Just because something hasn't directly effected me already doesn't mean it wont.  Matt didn't want to do the challenge.  His passions lie elsewhere, and then he was introduced with someone who has ALS the day after we talked about why he didn't want to do it.  Things change in an instant and some day if this happens to you or a family member or someone you know (my prayers are that it doesn't) your tune may change.  Act now. 

Why I Relay

Had a blog in the works in my mind for some time, and hoping now that I am trying to put it into actual words, they come out the way that I want them to.  Fair warning, when I am passionate about something and when I have so many emotions, they spill over into scattered word vomit so I apologize if this gets long winded and wordy (*which it kind of did*).  

My family has been a part of the Relay for Life for a very long time.  Fifteen years I believe.  I can honestly say that I hate the reason why we got involved, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.  This is my attempt to share my passion and why I ask every year for donations, even if I don't expect them.  Over the years my "why I Relay" has changed a little but the foundation remains the same.  We need more survivors, more birthdays, and more celebrations.  

When I was 10 years old my mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  I can remember the day my parents sat down and told us, not perfectly but that's because they told us everything was going to be okay.  They told us after they had a plan to make her better.  After a few varying opinions and some "quick to speak" words about how she probably wouldn't survive, they did surgery and chemotherapy and she was healed.  It was gone.  There one day, and a short while later no longer in her system.  Beautiful healing by God and medicine.  I am thankful every day that those people who spoke to soon were very wrong.  

The following year,  family friends lost their son to leukemia.  When I say family friends I mean friends that become family because that is just what happens in the military.  I was young, didn't understand my faith yet, so the questions of why God would let my mom survive a disease but a not a 5 year old weren't as prevalent in my mind, but it was still very hard to understand.  It did show me that cancer does not discriminate and it is not forgiving.  That same year my grandfather passed away from complications caused by Lung Cancer.  While I feel that every grandchild is supposed to lose their grandparents and not the other way around, it doesn't make it easier and it doesn't make it less painful.  I am forever grateful to have memories.  This was also my first memorable introduction to lung cancer, a disease I would come to hate more than anything I can think of.  

A few years after my mom was diagnosed, we moved to Texas from Boston.  That was the beginning of our Relay for Life journey.  We relayed for my mom, a survivor, one of the strongest women I know.  We relayed for those we had lost.  We were surrounded by people who had similar stories for one night of celebration and remembrance.  Throw in a little "There's a hole in the bucket" and you have yourself a party.  We always had a team in the following years, and no matter how large or small, we always tried to stay involved.  

Fast forward to 2012.  Matt and I were living in New Hampshire and I got one of the worst phone calls in my life (don't feel bad mom, you had to do it and I know you hated it).  My mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer.  To preface this I have to let you know what Lung Cancer meant to me at the time, death. 

Grandpa Boshart in 1996

Grandma Maynard in 2005

Grandma Boshart in 2010

The list actually goes on from learning that is how my mom's biological father passed away, to the great  aunts and uncles that also lost their battle to this disease.  No one that I could readily think of who had been diagnosed with lung cancer was still surviving it.  I will also let you know, all of these people smoked, and pretty much right up until the day they passed away.  It was all too common back then.  My mom however is not a smoker, she once was but if I could go back and give her an even bigger hug on the day that she gave up that habit, I would.  I don't know God's plans but what I know is healthy lungs will help you fight a battle that unhealthy lungs are not capable of, and my mom's lungs are healthy!  I was pissed off, heartbroken, and filled with fear.  I didn't understand why my mom, who has been through so much, had to endure yet another battle.  I didn't want to be halfway across the country when she had to start that battle.  I also feared the worst, because that is what I knew about lung cancer.  There was no "surgery - chemo - healed" plan that I longed for so badly.  It wasn't the same as when I was 10 and knew 100% that everything would be fine for as far as I could see into the future.  My faith allows me believe in miracles but at the same time, my life lets me in on the little secret that just because God can provide those miracles, doesn't mean it's mandatory of Him to do so.  We don't often see what His true plans are and may never see or understand why things happen the way they do.  Our idea of a miracle may not be the same as His.  So I was halfway across the country wanting to do anything I could to just get home.  

She gave herself a day or two to just "be."  To get out her feelings, and then she started the fight.  There was no way I could sit in fear and sorrow when she wouldn't even let herself do that.  We all had to join in the fight with her.  I had such wonderful support in New Hampshire, through my husband, his family that had become mine, and new friends that we had met, but I still longed to be in Texas.  Then this magical thing happened.  Our family was SHOWERED with love.  My mom's work family wrapped their arms around her in such a huge way that it was overwhelming.  They started "Team Boshart" and ordered shirts to wear every time she went in for a treatment.  They raised money by selling the shirts because when words fail and when you have no idea what you can do, that is the one thing that is easy and is something we can control.  I am not sure anyone was really expecting things to happen the way they did, but if you've met my mother, you would understand why.  She is a powerful force of love and upon meeting her just once you feel a sense of calm because that's what she does.  She is a provider in a way that I can only hope to be to my own children.  Everyone wanted to help.  HUNDREDS of people have bought shirts (sales have gone on for 2 years now and people are still asking for them).  People sent pictures in their "Team Boshart" shirts from all over the country and all over the globe.  I was able to rock my shirt in New Hampshire and feel like I was there, still a part of everything going on.  It was wonderful.   Matt and I did make our way back to Texas, and I honestly feel that it was God's plan more than my own.  I have been able to go to treatment with my mom, see in person that even with cancer she is a solid rock and is doing fine, and just be close.

Like I said, this has gone on for 2 years.  Every 3 weeks my mom goes in for treatment.  The treatments have varied from intense, long 8+ hour days that drained her energy (although you'd almost never notice) to quick 15 minute bags of drugs that allow her to walk out of there feeling just about the same as when she went in.  She has lost her hair and is currently growing it back in hopes of rocking a solid Jamie Lee Curtis look in the coming weeks/months.  This regiment will continue "indefinitely."  Hard drugs to zap the cancer cells in a hugely aggressive way, and when her body needs rest, lighter drugs to maintain a fight but not battle the rest of her body.  

Now here's the main point of all of this.  The term "indefinitely."  Not everyone surviving cancer, has treatment, goes into remission, stops treatment, survives.  Not everyone gets that "HURRAY THIS IS YOUR LAST TREATMENT DAY" so long from the nurses.  We've seen people who are awarded with that day in our travels to the clinic, it is often a bittersweet moment.  It is so very much worth celebrating but we also have to understand that it is not always the case.  THIS is why I fight.  Without funding people can't create new treatments.  Without new treatments, those who are on an "indefinite" regiment will get used to the old ones and maybe not be able to fight anymore.  The more research the more specific treatments become.  The more tailor made they are to each individual form of cancer.  My mom has gone through at least 4 different types of drugs.  Each doing their jobs of fighting in even the slightest of different ways.  I don't want her body to be able to get used to one type of drug and not have a "next plan."  Cancer evolves and so treatments need to do the same thing.  

Always through this I keep our family friend Danielle close to my heart.  She has been battling cancer for more years than one should have to, and I am thankful for each of those extra years, but I can't imagine how hard it is.  The constant surgeries, new treatments, experimental drugs, it's all hard.  Especially when you don't get to hear those sweet words "the cancer is gone."  Everyone who is fighting deserves to hear those words and my passion and my drive to raise money and help in the fight comes from that.  We need to get to a day where there are more survivors, and not those that are surviving while fighting every single day to get rid of a disease that unwelcomely invaded their body, but surviving and can say that the disease has been removed completely.  That is why I ask for donations, that is why I give, and that is what my heart's desire is.

So if you can donate, please do.  As a team this year we have set a goal of 10,000 dollars and we are well on our way to surpassing that goal.  My own personal fundraising goal is 1,000 dollars.  I hope to meet or exceed that goal but whether or not I do, just know that I appreciate every dollar that is raised in more ways than I can explain. 

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLCY14PL?px=5235299&pg=personal&fr_id=61128

What's in a Name

We have known our little dudes name for quite some time now and have been debating whether or not to share it.  Me being the kind of person I am likes to share things but this name has a lot of meaning behind it so I wrote this up to try and explain it all a little.  

The first time I went to visit Matt's family in New Hampshire was Thanksgiving of 2009.  That was also the first time I was really introduced to the story of Matt's uncle George.  He was the oldest of seven Riordan children, but at the age of 19 was killed in Vietnam.  He was a medic in the Navy and his last date of service was March 14, 1968. That is a pretty common story for many families, but there was something about George that struck me as amazing.  Not only did I learn that he was killed while attempting to save someone else, but I was blown away by the amount of people that seemed to be effected by his life and seven months of service in Vietnam .   Matt's Gram is 92, and to this day, 45 years after his death, she receives letters and visits from people who served with and knew George.  She has photo albums and trunks full of letters and pictures.  I had the pleasure of being able to look through some of what she had received and was moved to tears every time, although I am sure we didn't even scratch the surface of what she has collected over the years.  It didn't take long after that first visit before I told Matt that if and when we had a baby boy, his name should be George.   I have always wanted to have a little boy and, not that we have any control over it, but Matt is the last Riordan man on his side, so I very much wanted to have a little boy to carry on the last name.  Not worried about the Boshart side, the odds are in our favor with quite a few guys left. 

Close to a year after that visit in November, we moved up to New Hampshire.  Because I was still getting to know the wonderful family that I had married into, I loved being close enough to go visit as much as we could!  We tried to visit Gram every time we made the trip to Somersworth from Concord and almost every time George was brought up.  She loves sharing his story and the letters and books she had collected over the years, and we are always eager to hear more.  Matt looks a lot like him, especially in a few pictures, so the topic often came up easily.  Being a military brat and always having a heart for what the men, women and families in the military go through, I never tired of looking through the pictures and letters.  It was like being able to get to know George all of these years later, even though we would never meet him while here on earth.  He is remembered by so many and we are honored to pass on his name.  With every visit, our desire to pass on his name became stronger.  

I always wanted to ask Gram if it would be okay if we passed on George's name to our little one, but with no baby on the way and none in sight, it's an odd conversation to bring up!!  When Matt graduated and we were able to go back to New Hampshire for his ceremony, something in me knew that we needed to ask then.  I wanted to do it in person before we started having children and it seemed like perfect timing.  We asked and she gave us her blessing, although we made it clear that we weren't sure when baby Riordan would be on the way.  Two months later we found out we were pregnant.  I can't say that it was immediate, but something in me knew it was a boy.   

On October 22nd we found out we indeed are having a boy.  We are so excited and I am very much looking forward to the day that we get to sit down and explain to our son the meaning behind his first name.

George Tucker Riordan

Due March 14th, 2014 

Now some of you will probably ask where the name Tucker came from so I thought I'd throw that in here.  It does not hold nearly as much meaning but the story is fun. When Jana found out she was pregnant with Thomas she was unsure on names so my mom and I took it upon ourselves to send her name ideas all the time.  One day while sitting at Brewster's Pizza/Wimberley Brewing Company (if you haven't been...go) we were texting her names of beers.  Samuel Adams being the most popular name to pass on to the new baby.  That got us talking about favorite beers and Matt's is out of Tuckerman Brewing Company up in NH, named after one of his favorite hikes Tuckerman's Ravine.  It started out as a joke but since the name George was already a plan, the name George Tucker came up.  With my favorite book being Tuck Everlasting I was an immediate fan but the more we said it, the more we all loved it, so I did not share that one with Jana!  Now one year later we get to use it.  We've already begun calling him by the name Tucker so that is most likely what he will go by until he tells us otherwise :) 

Equality

First I am going to start this off with my opinion on the recent subject matter.

I believe marriage is between a man and a woman.  I was reading through Genesis 2 this morning because that's what I am drawn to when it comes to this subject.  God is amazing here.  He created Adam and knew that this would not be good enough.  He tried to give him a companion, a helper.  He created the animals who roam the earth and fill the sky, nothing was suitable.  He then created a woman.  Someone who could be the perfect balance.  Carefully formed out of man's rib.  One flesh.  Immediately it was good, they felt no shame standing naked in front of one another.

Anyone who knows the story knows what happens next.  Eve eats fruit from the wrong tree and the world is never the same.

I realize we have come a long where from there, but really it's still in the wrong direction.  We are consistently as a whole drifting away from God.  Little by little we try to make excuses for ourselves, we say the world is evolved, we say things need to change with the way that we believe to fit the world we live in.  Silly talk.  We can't alter our beliefs to fit the needs of the world.  It is not what we were called here to do.  I realize there are many Christians out there who use this as an excuse to spread hate.  They focus on specific groups of people and damn them to hell, as if it's at all up to us.  Ignorance.  That's what that is.  We as humans have fallen so far from what we were intended to be so whether or not you believe that people are born that way, or choose to be that way, we are all so very flawed.

So yes because of my faith, I believe marriage is defined as something that is between a man and a woman.  I believe a lot of things about marriage that have totally been pushed out of this world because we are falling, every day, away from God.  Goodness I am sooooo not perfect and I know that.  I mean really this morning was the first time I've picked up my bible in a long time.  Because of where my faith lies though, I know what to do to strive towards that perfection.  Never will I get there, but doesn't change the fact that it's my goal.

My feelings towards the laws that are in place about marriage are indifferent.  People make laws.  People are not perfect.  No matter what laws are in place, someone is going to be pissed off. The laws are not what is wrong with this world.  The fact that no matter how much love is spread through this world, there is still an unlimited amount of hate is what is wrong.  You may say that the laws are creating hate, that's not true at all.  The REACTION is creating hate.  I have read so many disgusting things on Facebook in the past 24 hours.  From both sides.  Because of social media we are all given a platform to stand on and we abuse it like crazy to fulfill our own needs.  Those who fight for gay marriage bash Christians and our beliefs, those who are against gay marriage throw hate wherever they can.  It's ridiculous. 

So all I ask is that before you spew your nonsense all over everyone, take a second to realize what your words are going to do.  Are you looking for a fight?  Are you really trying to help the cause?  Are you going to accept the free speech that comes back at you?

Love is defined for me in one simple way.  Love is God and God is love.  I will not let the world change that definition for me.  So I do believe everyone has equality, everyone has the ability to choose God, to choose that Love, to choose that God is good enough and the rest is just people.  Imperfect people. 

So Long 2012

2012 was such a huge year.  When I sit back and think about how much happened I am amazed.

My family started off the year with a huge blessing and also a huge sucker punch.

Let's start with the blessing, getting to meet my amazingly beautiful niece Embyrlen Jaide.  Her smile and personality won our hearts immediately.  She is such a firecracker and throughout the year I loved getting to spend time with her and allow her to be such a huge blessing in my life.  Although she doesn't live close, I love getting updates and keeping up with pictures.  She has changed so much in just the past year.  Wouldn't trade the many hours of Nemo watching, chasing around the house, going to the park, and snuggling for the world.  Now if only I could convince the airlines to lower ticket prices because having family spread out all over is just not easy!!  

Now the sucker punch.  My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer at the beginning of 2012.  I call it a sucker punch because it knocked us out...for maybe a minute.  But you know us Bosharts (even those who have changed our last name), we aren't knocked down for long, ESPECIALLY my mom.  I knew it before, but this year has proven once again that she is the strongest woman I know.  Treatments every three weeks, continuing shrinkage in those nasty tumors, and you can't even tell when you look at her.  We as a family have such a huge support system, and because Jodi Boshart is THE Jodi Boshart our support extends to everyone she comes into contact with.  God has blessed us continually through this and we are so very thankful.  I, above most things, am thankful that I am home.  With where Matt was at in school, we were able to get all of his clinicals in Texas and I have been here to go to treatments and offer my help, but mostly I can see first hand that my mom really is okay. 

Not only did those two huge events occur but I was able to witness and be a part of two of my most amazing friends weddings, one of which allowed me to hang out with my best friend for a whole week, which was wonderful since she was stationed in England!!  My brother in law came home from his deployment and about 24 hours later my sister got pregnant ;)  She announced it on my moms 50th birthday, it was perfect.  On December 19th the world was blessed with another little Roman boy.  Thomas James Roman is practically perfect in every way.  I have not yet had the chance to meet him, but I am hoping to make a trip in about a month and am already counting down the days.  I mean seriously...that face!!  Can't wait to squeeze it!  

Above all, this year has pushed me towards God in a crazy way.  We were at church the other day and they were talking about what kind of person you were the past year.  It got me thinking that although I didn't attend church as much as I would have liked, due to circumstances I think me and God talked more than we ever have before.  Hoping to continue to grow in my faith and spend time being so very thankful for all the blessings around me. I can not wait to see what 2013 has in store.  Matt will be graduating in February and hopefully soon after finding a job he can be happy with, and then who knows!!   Since 13 is a family favorite number I can only imagine that this year will be wonderful!